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She had a very sweet face and big boobs she flaunted as if literally she judged every shirt or dress on its ability to assault you with her cleavage. And so, after a long and harrowing journey, I pull up to her apartment and past the oblivious doorman. People are into some weird-*ss crap when it comes to sex. I'm talking black leggings and fluttery big giant red-with-black-polka-dots body wings. She just kind of fluttered around the room and over into the bedroom, out of sight.

She was a little shallow, and we weren't all that into each other. And I enter the elevator, just about tripping from smoking too much, with the reveal right around the corner, I suddenly start to panic. Her trademark cleavage spilling out the front and two springy ping-pong-ball antennae sprouting out the top of her head. I don't know if I could have done it, stone cold sober. It was just too weird, and hard not to get distracted by her wings flapping up on each down stroke, and those antenna balls bouncing around on her head, which was smushed down into the bed.

I had a big "me" day planned: I had just opened a bag of Fritos, pulled up So I start making excuses, and I'm a little high so I'm probably talking too much instead of just hanging up, but she gets the picture. So I follow her into the bedroom, where she had settled, or landed, or whatever, on the edge of the bed, face down, presenting her ass in the air, in see-through black spandex over white underwear. We had like a couple more dates but the summer was almost over and soon we were both off to other people.

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